The Confident Voice Coach

"Gravitas: A Compelling Strategy To Influence And Persuade"

Gravitas
A dictionary definition of gravitas is “a serious and solemn attitude or way of behaving”. To the ancient Roman republic, it meant dignity, seriousness and duty, one of the several virtues expected of men to possess.. However, currently in my view, it’s not about taking oneself seriously - it’s about taking what one does seriously.

Why bother to cultivate it?
In order to convince someone in business to buy from you and especially promote your interests, the decision maker is likely to need to know, like and trust you. Cultivating gravitas is a compelling business strategy for establishing credibility, respect and trust. Ultimately this leads to increased profile for you and business for your company.

1.    Appearance
Take care to look the part. An interesting study revealed that if a vet dressed ‘down’, they were rated as low in effectiveness. However if they dressed in a white coat and wore a stethoscope (however superfluous), they were rated as highly effective! Go to expensive hairdressers to get the best advice on how your hair should look. Go to an image consultant to match your colouring, your style and the context of the clothes you are wearing. Go to the gym. Buy expensive shoes and keep them polished – people DO notice. Make sure your nails are carefully manicured. Make your appearance looks better than expectation to make an impact.

2.    Occupy your space
Imagine the 18” the British traditionally claim around the body. To increase a sense of ‘presence’ when you walk into a room, increase the space around you to include the room and enfold everyone in it. To create energy within you, imagine that you have a secret that no one else knows and go into the room thinking this. On entering the room, pause in the doorway and look round. Then move forward towards a group where the body language suggests they are open to others joining them. Even when you think that people are turned away from you, their peripheral vision will catch your entrance and make assumptions about what to make of you.

3.    Value your words
Be sparing and measured in your speech and make every word count. People with presence say relatively little. Though everything they say
counts – valuing quality over quantity. You have no need to raise your voice – in fact, you will have people leaning forward to catch your words if you speak firmly yet quietly. And according to research, for men, the female voice is more complex and more difficult to hear and understand
and women’s higher pitch can be interpreted as subordinate. So for women to gain authority in the workplace, they need to deepen their vocal delivery and make it more deliberate.

4    Hold the silence
Before you speak, hold the pause to ensure others’ attention. When you have finished speaking, stop talking. You communicate very powerfully by your silence.

5.    Set the mood
Before you enter the room, focus on and imagine how you want everyone in the room to feel. People are only too willing to be guided by you so set the tone and mood. You will gain the influence to set the agenda for the rest of the meeting.

6.    Act ‘powerfully’
Imagine a triangle. Put in a horizontal line near the apex denoting the top 7%. That is the amount of conscious awareness people have of what you say. However, the 93% below the line is the unconscious mind absorbing your body language and vocal delivery that will determine how they really see you. Make sure your unconscious signals are powerful: your movements and delivery deliberate and you use the major key in your voice to convey certainty.

7.    Feeling disempowered?
In a situation where you are likely to feel unsure or lacking in knowledge –and especially if you are talking with someone who is an expert, change the role that you are playing.  Ask searching and challenging questions to keep them thinking or give incisive summaries of what you have heard to make it clear you are still powerfully attentive. If you get interrupted when speaking, look irritated and immediately cut in to repeat what you were saying. And ladies, cut down on smiling. It can be seen as placatory and
submissive. Make your smile the reward.

8.    Give your undivided attention
Give eye contact and quieten the internal chatter. Make space to absorb what’s being said and especially HOW it’s communicated. Become consciously aware of the subtext of body language and vocal tone. It will give you a lot of information as to how you want to respond. Then make your response deliberate and targeted.

9.    Note taking
Expect to take notes - you are valuing what you hear and are taking the information to digest at a later date.  However do not scribble furiously – others are likely to dismiss you as the minute-taker, particularly if you are a woman.

10.    And finally - don’t expect to be liked!
Having gravitas will gain respect from those around you. Gaining respect is far more valuable in business than being loved. It gives you instant credibility so you get taken seriously. Businesspeople – and staff members need to know, like and trust you to follow your lead. Having established respect and credibility, building rapport later will encourage them to want to like you.

Email me sarah@anrah.co.uk or phone 07939 261743 if you want to follow up on any thoughts you have about increasing your gravitas. I’d be happy to discuss things with you.

Strains Of Competing With the Air Con!

One of the interesting problems I came across the other day was of someone who had a challenge making his voice heard in larger meetings when competing with other voices, air conditioning and occasionally monsoon weather!

Your voice can be put under alot of pressure when competing with the white noise of machinery. The temptation is to shout above the noise which creates tension. Eventually your voice can become sore and hoarse with the pushing and your throat becomes inflamed.

Monsoons are not the only problem. Perhaps you have this sort of trouble when attending your stand at trade shows. You are at your post all day talking to potential customers. You haven't had chance for a break so your mouth is dry and you become dehydrated. You struggle through until evening and discover you just can't speak. And you have another 2 - 3 days of this.

The first secret is to take bottled water. Keeping your body hydrated is crucial for your voice's welfare. Next give yourself as much opportunity as you can to find quieter locations in which to discuss important issues.

Ahead of time, relax, breathe and hum. On the day, every so often hide behind your stand then yawn and swallow - this is a simple voice workout to exercise the muscles of your larynx.Try lowering your voice and making your diction (pronouncing the consonents) as clear as you can. You don't need volume to be heard, you just need clarity. Don't be afraid to exaggerate your facial expression - you will get your meaning across more easily without tiring your voice. And use body language to take control of the situation and attract attention.

Especially cut down on coffee, fizzy drinks and alcohol (they dehydrate you), sugar and milk (can be mucus-forming) and eat plenty of fruit and vegetables (for the vitamin C which protects you from infection).

May you have a very successful few days with plenty of business generated

Your Voicemail - Do You Curl Up And Die On The Playback?

I was thinking carefully about composing my newsletter "The Amazing Adventure!" when it struck me how many people tell me they hate listening to themselves on their voicemail. They cringe when they hear themselves on any recording.

Do you curl up and die when you hear yourself? Well you can comfort yourself with the thought that the sound you hear isn't you! Most recording functions deaden the higher and lower frequencies of your voice so that all you hear is the mid-range of harmonics. So not a rounded sound, then.

Second, do you smile when you record? No, I didn't think so. Many people feel self conscious about leaving their message and since the voice mirrors everything felt, they are likely to come across as embarrassed. Or worse, distant and even arrogant.

One of the maddening things I do is forget the message in the middle of recording so have to go through the long winded process one more time. After I have done it 4 or 5 times, I begin to sound fed up which also comes across in the message.

Who is likely to listen to your voicemail? A prospective client? An important investor? Well then, you have a vested interest in making your message sound as warm and inviting as possible. Especially since they are just receiving a rejection (let's face it, if you aren't answering your phone, then you are saying you are too busy to talk to them. And what is that if not a rejection?)

You'll have already guessed what I am leading up to. You need to prepare the message - even write it out. I'd recommend that you rehearse it again and again so that you know the gist. Try putting the emphasis in different places. And record and listen back so you find out what sounds better.

Try deepening your voice and inject some variety into your voice. Don't be afraid of exaggerating. The music in your voice will come across. Make sure that you are delivering it slowly so that someone who is listening to the message for a first time doesn't have to ring back just to absorb it - especially if you are giving an alternative phone number. Perhaps even pausing every so often so they can keep up.

And don't hesitate to repeat phone numbers either, especially since someone is struggling with a phone receiver in one hand and a pencil and paper in the other.

And SMILE! Even if you don't feel like it. The smile will come across and warm your voice up. It will make the listener relax and take in your message more effectively.

Yes I know many small businesses use a call answering service. This can be useful when people connect to your landline. However, there are some who have your mobile number and probably want to contact you personally. A call centre just won't do. So there are compelling reasons to get your voicemail sounding just right.

You are giving your listener an auditory present. Let them upwrap your message with pleasure!

The Intersection between worlds...

I went to a 'Psychogenic Voice Day' put on by an association of Speech and Language Therapists in London last Friday.

Now on the face of it, that sounds as exciting as stale sandwiches eaten on a dull day next to an industrial canal! However I found it electrifying. Yes, I know, no accounting for tastes. They had 4 speakers representing 4 different approaches to the treatment of emotional problems associated with Voice problems. There was a Freudian who also worked on massaging the larynx, a SLT who was trained in Brief Therapy, a SLT trained in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and the last, a Jungian psycho-analyst.

I had been very sleepy and nodded off throughout the first 3 talks. I was wondering whether it had been a waste of time. Then the Jungian stood up to speak.

She stood up and didn't use PowerPoint!!!! Already she interested me. She said that she was just going to read her paper without any accompanyment. She described that she worked with professional singers who had been referred to her by their GPs and SLTs.

She talked about how vulnerable a position singers are in when they perform. They were expected to let go of their voices and become spontaneous and creative. And yet they also have to abide by the most exacting technique and discipline. She said that they had to continually wrestle with this paradox throughout a performance.

The therapist also said that the voice, the throat, is at the intersection between the internal and the external in our bodies. The internal describes the torso, the head and heart. The external being the shoulders and especially the arms and hands. The arms and hands reach out into the world outside.

The voice has to express and encompass both these worlds. And so singers have to encompass both worlds too. The pressure on their voices can get intense. And can break down.

I had a friend with me - a fellow hypnotherapist and voice coach (who tends to work with actors) and we had to sit in a Costa afterwards for several hours discussing our thoughts on the day.

Voiceover heaven!

Big excitement in this household! A friend of mine who runs a website video business (a fully trained camerawoman, producer and editor), Gill Gee (formerly of Vidibiz) is asking for me to supply her with my CD show reel of voiceovers so that she can play it to potential customers for her video website business.

She tells me that  many of her clients, however competent they are at what they do, can sound dreadful when presenting their business on a website. So here's where I come in.

I speak in my warm, deep, authoritative (that inspires belief and confidence apparently!), contralto voice waxing enthusiastic about their product or service and suddenly the visitor to their site sees the light. A no brainer!

Words At Work - "Can You Hear Me At The Back?"

I was touched and excited the other day to be asked by my Marketing Consultant friend, Chantal Cornelius to write a piece for her newsletter Scribbles.

Chantal is organising a big 'do' on June 21st 'Driving Your Business' at the Formula One Conference Centre where the Williams team are based in Grove, near Wantage in Oxfordshire. She has invited me to put on a workshop to help delegates develop more persuasive, authoritative and compelling voices in sales meetings and at networking events.

I'm really excited since there'll be around 100 or so there and we can have real fun doing some tuning up of our voices together!

Anyhow, this is what I wrote for her: -

Words at Work - Can You Hear Me at the Back?

By guest writer Sarah McCloughry.

Well, you carefully prepared your questions. You listened closely to what the other person is saying. Your replies captured their attention. They seemed to hang on your every word. Then what? You know how some people come up with the answers but they don’t hear from their contacts again? When they open their mouths they drive people away. 38% of all communication is not in what you say, but in how you say it. Obvious really, but to communicate effectively, you need to be heard.

Depending on the networking meeting, you may be talking in a hall with 40 – 50 others. The noise level is high. Do you find that people keep asking you to repeat what you’ve said? Maybe your voice is too soft or too quiet? You may be nervous. If your listener’s eyes flick away too frequently or their head keeps turning, you are losing them. Are you are boring them? Maybe it’s because your tone is flat, monotonous, harsh or too high pitched.

So how do you connect with your listener? Think about your posture. If you are standing confidently, your listener will take notice. There’s much more space in your diaphragm to breathe easily. Relax your shoulders and stand like royalty!

Second, relax and take a deep breath. Your breath is the fuel that your voice runs on. If you have plenty of gas, you will be able to turn up the volume – it helps when others talk around you. Try lowering your tone and varying the tune pattern in your voice.

And, once you’ve started, pause. Your listener needs to absorb your words of wisdom. This also gives them a chance to respond. You create the chance of a two-way conversation. As you know, two-way conversations create lasting business relationships, which get you quality referrals and sales.

To find out more email sarah@anrah.co.uk and Sarah will send you her "Hot Confident Voice Tips!" Meet Sarah McCloughry, The Confident Voice Coach when she is presenting a workshop at the Driving Your Business event on 21 June at the Williams F1 Conference Centre (see the right hand column.)

Vocal Tension And What Happens When You Relax...

I was listening to a client today. Her voice was so furred and dry that it cracked and squeaked towards the end of her sentences. A sure sign of massive tension. It betrayed a history of anxiety probably going back to childhood.

Were your childhood days the 'happiest days of your life'? For many children, they can be filled with worry - both big and small worry, especially if they learnt that the outside world was dangerous and scary. And perhaps not just the outside world either. Perhaps they picked up on tensions within their own family members too.

Children are imitative. Until the age of 8 their brains are generating Alpha waves which means that they are profoundly suggestible. Wide open. Every experience, every event, every atmosphere, spoken or unspoken leaves a deep and indelible impression on their growing psyches. And if those experiences, events and atmospheres were fraught, then those impressions will mould tension into how children hold themselves, how they speak and the language they use.

Because your voice is a reflection of you. And as you grow, you unconsciously adopt these patterns. They are familiar to you. They become difficult to alter, even if they're uncomfortable or unpleasant to listen to. And since your voice reflects you, when you make changes to your voice, inevitably you are likely to need to change the rest of you as well.

Which is why I almost always start to work in voice coaching on helping my client to learn how to physically relax. When I work in hypnosis with my client, sometimes they emerge looking overwhelmed and baffled. They're overwhelmed because they aren't used to feeling so blissful - and baffled because they often didn't realise just how tense they really were.

It gives me alot of pleasure just to see that process of unfoldment. And also to listen to the subtle and more obvious changes in the voice immediately afterwards. The breathing is much easier so there is a more sustained sound. The sound which had been harsh with tension can become more soft and resonant. The range of notes increases and the voice is more musical. The pace of delivery can slow up and sound more steady. And the person looks far, far more comfortable inside their skin, which reflects in their language and body language.

They leave my clinic looking radiant.

What's In The Way?

Your throat is the gateway of all you want to express. Whenever you were hungry, tired, frightened, angry, lonely as a baby, you expressed these feelings through your throat via your larynx. Your mother became well trained (if she wanted to be sensitive to your needs) in interpreting what your cries meant. Everything was clear and truthful.

However, as you started growing up, sometimes you expressed things that weren't socially acceptable. Maybe you embarrassed your parents with your honesty - " Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained wisdom". Maybe your family evaded emotional outbursts or denied or suppressed their feelings. So they greeted your feelings with disapproval or worse, laughter. Immediately this sets up tension within you. It's as though that expressive gateway has been closed.

If that gateway gets closed, then your voice gets distorted with tension. If this gateway keeps on closing, it gets stuck. Emotions will be trapped behind that half closed gate. Your shoulders, your diaphragm, your jaw, your throat will carry that tension too. Your posture will become cramped and misaligned. Your body language is inhibited. You learn to be self conscious. You are out of touch with your feelings.

However, to trained ears, your voice and body betray everything.

Welcome!!!!

I had a look at my visitor statistics just now and discovered I have had my first reader!

Welcome to my blog site. I hope you found useful ideas and tips on creating your most successful voice in business! And welcome to you, wonderful reader for checking out this site.

1. You'll get an outline of what a great voice sounds like - a voice that is persuasive, compelling and commanding.
2. Then you and I can explore what are the pitfalls, what's in the way
3. How to get to achieve that wonderful voice you have within you.

Let's face it, when you were born, you weren't conscious of what you sounded like. You had no trouble whatsoever at expressing your feelings and thoughts. You were direct and clear about your needs. Of course you were! And by George, you were compelling and persuasive and commanding!

And if your mother was astute and keen to find out what your needs were, she became more and more clever about figuring out what you were expressing.

So what went wrong?

Your First Priority To A Great Voice Revealed

Your voice tells your listener a great deal about who you are. It reveals more than you know. It tells them about your background, your passions and especially your tension. Had you ever thought about releasing your voice from it's grip?

Does your voice sound high and tight? Tension has tightened its noose around your throat.  Suppressed whisper or a voice that shouts? Tension is limiting your breath control and again, strangling your throat. Stress worms its way into your voice. You pick up anger or fear in a voice that is monotonous - or clipped so that the sound is cut off before the end of sentences.

Your voice reveals where you lack confidence, when you're under prepared and unsure or emotionally vulnerable.

And here's the crucial point - when your listener hears this tension, they tense up too. They can get restless or defensive. They make judgements about your credibility. Their body language closes up - like their minds. They've stopped listening to you.

You've failed to get your message across.

Try out these stress releasing exercises. If you practise them on a regular basis, you will be amazed at the difference in your voice - and the change in how people react to you.

• Your throat's tight? Yawn widely and then immediately swallow. This stretches the muscles in your throat - it massages and releases them.
• A problem with your jaw? Stretch open and then chew as though you had a large wad of bubble gum in your mouth. This is really useful to practise before presentations (in the loo, of course!).
• Your shoulders? Just lift them up to your ears as you breath in. Hold it. Then breath out and drop them at the same time. (Shoulders are often where you carry your burdens - your guilts and responsibilities. Practising this exercise will help you feel like Atlas after Hercules gave him a hand for a bit).
• Slow down and take a breather. Saaaaay 5 minutes in every hour? Please? Time out? Every day?
• Have a good shake-out. Start with your hands. Shake them as though you had just finished the washing-up and were shaking droplets of water from them. Then make it bigger and shake from your elbow. That's good, now from your shoulders. Then whilst still shaking from your shoulders, stand on one foot and shake the other - and keep swapping until you are jigging up and down! When you stop, you'll be feeling tingling - as though your energy is moving throughout your body.
• Close your eyes. Stretch your mouth into a smile. It doesn't matter if it's artificial, it'll still stimulate you to produce endorphins - the feel great, stress-busting hormones. Just keep smiling whilst that smile lights up your heart, lungs and other vital organs. Let it light up your mind. Just as you are smiling externally, so you are smiling internally too. Your whole body. Even your cells are smiling.

Have fun - and keep smiling!